


I love you....

by m00nlightShimmer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 06:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m00nlightShimmer/pseuds/m00nlightShimmer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe a little bit sad, Oneshot. Misha told Jensen that he loves him. This is what happend after that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I love you....

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the english isn't so bad. It's my first english fanfiction. If you want to, you can correct my mistakes and tell me about them. I really would be happy about this.
> 
> Please don't read this if you are having suicidal thoughts.  
> And if you have: Please know, that I love you. Maybe you don't know me and I don't know you. But the fact, that you are here means that you like supernatural. And this makes you a part of my family. 'cause we are all a part of a big-fluffy-lovely family.  
> Always Keep Fighting because You Are Not Alone <3

He didn't love me. It was clear from the beginnig.  
My hands closed around the handle of the knife.  
If I hadn't said anything, he would still be my friend.  
Tears ran over my cheeks.

Why am I so dumb?  
Had I really believed, that he would share my feelings?  
My hands flinched at the unexpected coldness of the metal.  
Jensen was definitely not gay. Not even bisexual. He was 100% heterosexual.  
But I thought, I had read more in his behaviour around me.  
Thought his hugs were something special because he hugged me longer and thighter than others.  
I wanted more behind this. More than friendship..

But it staid a wish.

“...We can stay friends, Misha”  
The first cut in my arm.  
Liar!  
He was nothing than a liar. I had seen it in his eyes. He didn't meant what he said.  
Had seen everything. The confusion, the one thing what I count as disgust and the coldness. You could see the exact moment our friendship broke apart.  
Misha... He called me Misha.. Not Mish, like he did every other time..  
No. I saw all this falling apart in his goddammit deep green eyes, which ensured that I felled in love with him.  
A tear landed on my arm and ran to the cut. It burned a bit. But I couldn't care less because I knew this would be over soon.

The next cut. Bigger. Deeper.  
The bittersweet pain numbed my fingers.  
The knife in my hand went to my artery.

What was he thinking? That we would easily be friends again?  
Sure, it was easy for him but for me it was like hell on the earth. Such a thing could, no, I did not want to endure!  
Soon it would all be over anyway. Why do I even thing about this?

My hand with the knife in it trembeld. Blood dripping on the clean floor. Everything was clean in my home. My home had always been one of my treasures. I never would have given it up voluntarily.  
And now? Now I gave up everything, even me. But what should I do instead?  
The love of my life didn't want me. Why should I stay in this World?  
I would always fell this pain, if I saw Jensen. So why not shorten the suffering?

Jensen didn't love me, and? This doesn't mean, that I had to run into him everyday. Act as if everything was okay although it was not.

By itself, the knife cut further into my arm and soon reached his goal.

Artery.

Without hesitation, I slit my wrist.  
Knife to the other one. And repeat the move. Without thinking, just doing.

Cut.  
Second cut.  
I felt no pain, only salvation. The blood that flowed from my wrists, felt so good on my skin. The knife fell out of my hand.

Everything around me was blurred.  
The time on the digital clock, I could not recognize. But this was not important anyways. But I guess you focus on those uninmportent things when you are going die.

I staggered aimlessly through my apartment and came to lie on the couch. The look directed at the picture that showed me and Jensen. On vacation. Happy.

Beautiful memories floated through my head. I remembered everything. We were at the beach. It was sunny and warm. I wanted to collect sea shells.  
I still have the green one I found. I kept it next to the picture. The sea shell reminded me of a pair of beautiful eyes.

I smiled at those memories. With every second my eyelids grew heavier.  
It became dark around me.

“I love you....”

I whispered to the photo-jensen.


End file.
